What's Wrong With My Writing?

By Robert J E Smith

"So, what do you think, Bernice? Any good? I moved the chapters, like you said, but I got this great idea for the second part of chapter 4."

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to stop you there, Johnny-boy."

"Oh.....what's the problem? Is it the revisions for Claire, I can make her more damsel if you like? Maybe add a little spice with our hero?"

"Look, Johnny, I like you. I really do. Your writing; it kicks ass, but your book is a pile of shit. Honestly, I think we need to move away from this..... stuff and go back to writing the usual stuff."

"Seriously?! You're telling me this NOW?!!! Do you have ANY idea how long I've been working on this book?! You know what? I don't care. I can't  believe you're doing this now."

"Look, Johnny-boy, the fact is, you have no following. I gave your name to the local, just to see if it would stick. You know what? Nothing. Nothing came back…... They didn't even know who you are. I had to explain to them who you are and they still couldn't understand why we picked you."

"Wait, I'm being removed......no, my ideas are being removed, because some local paper doesn't know who I am? Isn't that the point of you? You're the publisher. You should be telling people who I am, that's how this works, right?"

"Yeah, but you gotta have a pull. We need you to be....well.......presentable. Frankly, you look like zit in a fucking suit, Jesus. I've honestly met better lookin' desserts in the garbage. You're like a leaner John Merrick, but without any of the fucking personality."

"Really?! That's the reason. Some.......fucking paper that's going out of business every week tells you they don't know who I am. THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM!"

"You're upset, I get that. Maybe you should....."

"MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!"

"Honestly this kinda passion needs to be in your stuff. Really, your book...so far. Its bland. Its vanilla, without the vanilla. To call it moving would be bad advertising. Wait, no.... False advertising."